Hello everyone,
And welcome to my stop on the “Spynosaur” blog tour where Guy Bass gives us the low down on how to successfully look the part in our endeavor to become spies ourselves. I kind of really like the idea of “The shoe shrinking spray”…Always wanted smaller feet :).
Enjoy!
How to succeed in spying without really trying
Like opening a jam jar with your ears or chewing soup, spying can be a tricky business. The hours are unsociable, the false moustaches are itchy and someone tries to kill you at least twice a week. But it doesn’t have to be work, work, work. Here are three rules to help you succeed in spying without really trying:
- GO, GO GADGET EVERYTHING
Gadgets are a spy must. They really take the work out of spying and can be a literal lifesaver. But don’t just focus on the obvious must-haves like hidden cameras and secret skis – be sure to have a gadget for every occasion.
Stock up on:
Shoe Shrinking Spray
Eyebrow Invisibility pills
Toilet
Aardvark Bad Mood Reversal Powder
Inflatable Submarine Firing Bazooka
- JOIN IN THE PUN
A pun is a quick an easy way to appear cool under pressure, buy yourself time in sticky situation, or just plain annoy your enemies!
For example:
YOU FIND YOURSELF TIED TO A BOMB: “I always wanted to go out with a bang…”
YOU’RE ABOUT TO BE DROPPED INTO A POOL OF PIRANHAS: “I’d say there’s something fishy going on” or “I’ve just got time for a quick bite…”
IT’S THAT TRICKY MOMENT JUST BEFORE A GIANT RADIOACTIVE CYBORG CHICKEN LAYS AN EXPLODING EGG ON YOU: “You must be yolk-ing” or “Isn’t this egg-citing” or “Talk about a bomb-shell…”
- LOOK THE PART
As a spy, it’s important to be a master of disguise. Oddly, the best secret agents are easily recognised due to the fact they a) they announce their presence (“The name’s Surname, Forename Surname”) OR b) they happen to be a dinosaur. But disguises don’t have to be elaborate. Try drawing a moustache on your index finger and then holding it over your upper lip. At worst, it will make you look like someone who enjoys drawing a moustache on their index finger and holding it over your upper lip. Best case scenario, you’ll look full-on batty bonkers and everyone will leave you alone. Spyno-score!
You can find Guy Bass on Twitter @GuyBassBooks